| appreciative |
2005-11-27 - 10:27 P.M.
So Thanksgiving was halfway decent. Usually we go hang with my dad's side of the family at some point but we didn't this year. I realize that probably sounds like a sad thing to most but I think we were really just kind of relieved instead. See, my dad's side of the family? Yeah, they're weird. Like bad weird. And having any sort of social gathering with them only makes me seem even more like a black sheep & leads to awkward silences in between conversations (that speaking generally, not just with me). Well, that & my grandmother constantly repeating herself in reference to the topic we stopped discussing an hour ago & she continued on with. It drives me insane.
Anyway, we had Thanksgiving dinner with Mum's side of the family, which was nice. There's 15 of us this year including Lilie.
Isn't she adorable? She'll be 4 months on the 14th of next month. All in all, I had a pretty enjoyable, albeit uneventful, Thanksgiving. And although it seems a few days late, I'm feeling really appreciative right now. We may not get along all the time, but I have a great family. I've never had a bad family life or anything. And as much as I hate church, I'd have to blame it as the reason why. I was made to go to church every single Sunday (unless I was puking or something, hah) up until age 18 when I started slacking off & only going when Mum or my grandmother did a sort of guilt trip thing. I'd do anything for my grandmother so if it makes her happy for me to be at church, then I think I can handle an hour of preaching bullshit. Sure, the family has some problems but everyone does. Just because I think they're completely insane (that statement mostly just referencing my parents - the rest of the family isn't as insane) doesn't mean I'm not grateful for them. Haha. I have kick-ass friends too. Sometimes they're more family than my true, immediate family is. Heather (especially), Berkey, Squeak.. Jim too. Even Tia at times, although we've started growing apart & more independent of each other than we used to be. These aren't just the kind of friendships that come & go. These are the kind of friendships that change you as a person (usually for the better but I guess some of it depends on perspective, hah). I've always been the kind of person that had acquaintances for most of her life. I can name one person who I ever had a friendship with in high school & even then it was dysfunctional and not really healthy for either of us. Other than that? No real friends until I got out of high school & started taking classes at BSCC. And then I only made one real friend (Tia, obviously). Then came ClientLogic. And I have made the kind of friends that I mesh so well with. I was 19 when I was hired in there. I had no friends that I felt a true, stable bond with until ClientLogic. Well, unless we count a boy that's never lived closer than 1700 miles to me. That just seems kinda sad to me - that it took me 19 years to find people around here that are like-minded & who understand me. And it's probably unbelieveable to most but it's the truth. And now I suddenly have all these wonderful friends. Friends that you know would stick with you no matter what happened. It's mind-blowing. No one in high school, or even in Haleyville, ever really understood me. Even the one friend I had couldn't keep up with the weird shit that goes on in my head at times. Hah. And laughing over some of the stuff that Heather & I laugh about? It never would've happened. Haha. They would've called me a freak. And I think I even sometimes throw Heather off a bit. The rest of 'em too. Heather usually manages to keep up with me when no one else does though. We think a lot alike. I like that. Heather, Jim, Berkey, & Squeak.. I know some of you will never read this but I love you guys. So much. Jim, you challenge me to work through stuff that's bothering me & figure out why. You'd listen to me bitching for ages & then just ask me why I don't do something about it. Hah. I like that. You also seem to have a talent for taking what I'm already thinking & just throwing it out in the open. So I'm forced to acknowledge it. Haha. I'm thankful for you every day. <3 And Heather? Man, if it weren't for you, I never would've seen the worst acting ever put to film & I'd still be drug-free. What fun is that? Oh, and I wouldn't be dying from second-hand smoke. I also think I would've went insane by now. You always are there to listen to me bitch about shit. Haha. Hopefully I return the favour (I try to). Hanging out with you is a nice escape from the insanity caused by parents, roomie situations, & the voices in my head. I'm forever indebted to you. I was mentioning to Jim last night about how I had 333 diary entries but have hardly ever really said something worth anything. I'd like to think this entry is one of the few that is worth something. If not to anyone else, than to me. I'm always weary of posting things like this. I worry too much about what other's will think or I worry that it's going to sound stupid or make me look like a retard. Actually, it just might sound stupid considering I've been going back & editing it almost constantly when I was typing it up. I think Jim believes I should be more apathetic about some things though so I play the apathy card. You don't like what this says? Fuck you. I don't care. I've gotten something out of it. And maybe someone else has as well. I dunno. I'm really the only one that matters anyway. Well, and the others mentioned in this entry. They matter slightly less than I do, of course. That's just the way the world works. |
