I watched Garden State last night & was slightly blown away at how awesome it was. There's a song on the soundtrack called 'I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You' by Colin Hay. It's now my favourite song. Mostly because I can relate to it.

I drink good coffee every morning
It comes from a place thats far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say

Don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
Is that if I lived till I was a hundred and two
I just dont think I'll ever get over you

I'm no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just dont think I'll ever get over you

Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter is still ringing in my ears
I still find peices of your prescence here
even after all these years

I don't want you thinking
That i dont get asked to dinner
Cause I'm here to say
That I sometimes do
And even though
I may seem to feel a touch of love
I just dont think I'll ever get over you

If I live till I was a hundred and two
I just dont think I'll ever get over you

It reminds me of Jim.

I know that's stupid because it was only some fucking retarded internet thing. And I know that makes me pathetic in so many ways but I can't help it.

I don't really have much to say right now. I'm crying a lot. And I tried talking to Rob about things but the reason (reasons?) I'm so upset aren't really a topic he's well experienced in so it was kinda pointless.

I tried talking to Jason about it shortly after but that only made me feel awkward so like 2 seconds after bringing up the subject, I told him to nevermind & said I was just gonna go to sleep.

I wish I loved myself more. I wish I were less bitter. I hate being so bitter about everything. And when I get bitter like this, I'm such a fucking asshole to everyone. I was even being a slight ass to Kevin earlier, which only made me end up feeling even worse.

Speaking of Kevin, this secret he once had is apparently non-existant now. He decided that wasn't going to be part of him anymore. I think that's partly why I'm feeling like shit so much tonight & that really makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I mean, this is something that someone else would've just been like 'Oh, okay, that's cool' over & then would've just proceeded to another subject or something. But no. I basically just told him that he disappointed me. Wtf? I'm so fucked up.

I have completely irrational, overreactive responses to things sometimes and it makes absolutely no sense to even me. It's almost as if someone took a random situation & just blindly threw a result at it. The cause has no relevance to the effect. How's that for insane?

I told Rob that I think I'm just gonna say fuck it & give up all romantic interests with anyone for a long while. And maybe set some record in the process of being the oldest person to still not be kissed. Rob's reply? "You probably already hold the record." Well, thanks Rob. Let's kick them when they're down, shall we?

I really need a vacation from life.

past - future