Today has been a pretty shitty day. First, I found out that Christopher Reeve died yesterday evening. How much does that suck?? I�m adding this to my �Reasons Why God Sucks� list. Sigh. Rest In Peace, Christopher Reeve.

In other news, I passed Tia in the hallway at BSCC today and she didn�t even act like she knew me. That says a lot, ya know? I�m tired of finding friends who will just betray me and hurt me like this. I really need to start socializing and making new, lovelier friends. The only people I can count on lives hundreds of miles away from me. The person that I probably consider my closest friend now (well, he�s known me for about 3 years - longer than anyone else I really talk with) lives like 800 miles away. That fucking sucks. I feel really alone lately. I miss movies & pizza, I miss having someone to fall asleep with (or try to and then end up talking until the sun comes up), I miss hugs.

I should really stop with that subject, I guess. It�s not relevant anymore and I don�t want her to read this and then rethink her decision. If she honestly thinks that this is what God wants her to do, then I�m not going to try to change her mind. I think that�s a bit overdramatic and such but she already knows that�s how I feel so there�s no need to repeat myself.

I�ve been thinking a lot about where I�m going to attend college next fall. Part of me is just saying �Go to the University of North Alabama, Jess, where you know people already� but the other part of me is saying I should do what I�ve been wanting to do for freaking years and just get out of here. I need to get away. I hate this town, I hate this state, I hate the people that live here. I could go to college in Utah and be near Jim (but then again, his friends hate me and I don�t want to come between him and the guys he�s closest to), I could go to college up in New Jersey where I have a few friends, I could go to college in Texas and be near Mark, the previously mentioned closest friend.

I don�t know. Mark has his girlfriend Kris now. I wouldn�t want to be some shitty third wheel or something, ya know? And I don�t know if I can stand being in New Jersey, even further away from Jim and such. And while I know that Jim would welcome me to Salt Lake City with open arms, I�m still not sure I can just barge in on the life he has there. It would be quite nice to always have him there with me but I�m not going to make the move there unless he actually asks me to. I guess I�m the same way with that particular subject that I am with staying over at someone�s house or something. I don�t invite myself and shit like that. Because if they really wanted me there, they�d just say so. ...That�s probably the pessimistic way to look at it, huh?

Eh, at least I know what I want to major in and everything. A lot of fellow college students can�t say that. Maybe I really AM a step ahead of the game. I just don�t want to make any decisions that I�ll regret, ya know? Or that other people will regret. And I�d like to say that I have plenty of time to think about all of this but time is running out. I don�t want to wait until the last minute to make such an important decision in my life. I�m always procrastinating about everything. This shouldn�t be one of those things.

Bah. Who am I kidding? Fifty bucks says that I�ll end up procrastinating and attending UNA because I know that I will be accepted there. And plus, out-of-state tuition fucking sucks. I�m almost positive that I wouldn�t be able to afford it. Maybe if I had really awesome marks in all my subjects, I could get the out-of-state tuition wavered but that�s just it. I don�t have awesome marks. They�re average because I never really apply myself to anything. I�m one of those students who can just listen to the instructors, without taking notes, and still be able to pass the test without studying. Notice how I said �pass� rather than �ace.� Average. That�s me. If I applied myself, I could probably be on the dean�s list or whatever.

I�m really sorry if that sounds arrogant or stuck up or something. I�m just being honest. I�m not bragging, by any means. I really have nothing to brag about. I�m a giant slacker who is wasting her intelligence and �just getting by� in classes. I�m not proud of myself.

The funny part is that I still have essays/speeches to write and I�m making this diary entry instead. Bah. I�m never going to learn, huh?

I�m also watching Lost In Translation. I love this movie. :) I want to visit Japan. As a matter of fact, I wish I were there right at this moment. Hell, I wish I were anywhere but here. Have we already covered this subject?

I think I�m going to end this now. It�s getting really long-ish and isn�t really saying much of anything. Maybe someone will leave me a comment or something. I need kind words to get me out of this shitty, pessimistic mood I�m in.

past - future