Tia and I are probably not going to be speaking very much (if at all) for a long while. The same goes for Jim and I.

I know, I know. You're asking why, right? Well, I got an email from Tia this morning, telling me that her and Jim had fooled around a bit before. They even told each other they loved one another.

This is my best friend and my boyfriend, ya know? The friend who is supposed to be there for me through it all and the guy who I thought was my one. Things like this shouldn't happen.

So now I have no best friend and I have no love. And what's really sad is that considering I'm so antisocial and everything, Tia was my only real friend around here. I have to rehash old friendships now or make new ones or something. I won't be able to cope if I have no one to hang out with. Even tho I don't do much "hanging out" really. Oh well. Must find some friends.

So now that I don't have to save up money to visit SLC in November, anyone have suggestions on what I should spend my money on? Mum and I are throwing around the idea of vacationing somewhere. Just the two of us. Maybe I could convince her to go to NYC with me. I miss that city.

I told her about Tia and Jim. She's telling me what everyone else is telling me -- that I don't need either of them.

My coworker Derek had this to say: "If either of them really cared about you, they wouldn't have let this kind of thing happen to begin with. They deserve what they get from you because they're not worth your time anyway." This made me feel lots better.

Anyway, I guess this is a new, improved, single-type Jess. Maybe a slightly unstable, emotional one. But new and improved, nonetheless.

I've tried talking to Tia about what's happened but I have no clue what to say to her anymore. I don't know if we'll ever be able to really talk again. I've also tried contacting Jim but I'm not sure he's been online any today so that's a lost cause so far. I just want to know what happened and if they genuinely, honestly care. I know Tia regrets what happened but hell knows if Jim does. I dunno.

I was actually considering just killing this diary and taking a break. But I think diaryland and all the lovely people I read (Molly, Alison, Doug, Cookie, etc.) are really what helps me through the shit like this. So I guess I'm sticking around. ..As if many of you will really notice anyway. ;)

Ya know, one person who has been there for me the past 2 days when I really needed it is Mark. I'm glad I have him to talk to and everything. He sent me the most rockin' email today! My favorite line being "He DOESN'T deserve a badass person like you." Oh yes, I am badass.

I'm finished ranting now. I'm not really sure where my diary is gonna go from here (or even where I am). Hopefully I can keep some of you interested though. I'm not sure what I'd do without this place.

past - future