I now have two options. I can either a) move into the dorms by myself, or b) move off with Jim when he visits me next month.

If I go with option A: I live by myself for this semester and probably get stuck with someone in the spring that I don't really get along with. I continue to stay in a place I completely despise with people I despise. However, I also keep my job, making $7/hr. at ClientLogic, and save up to visit Jim in November and eventually move to Salt Lake City possibly next summer/fall.

If I go with option B: I escape this place and all these people. I live with my love in an actual city with lots of possibilities. I lose my job with ClientLogic. I'm not able to attend college because Jim is doing so and at least one of us has to get a job. I'm happy being with Jim but we struggle with money and such.

The only positive in either of those situations is Jim. I'll either be looking forward to seeing him or I'll be living with him.

I'd just be a burden on him if I moved up there. It's probably better that I stay here for another year and try to tolerate everyone. Sure, I wouldn't be happy but Jim and I would both be able to stay afloat. And plus, good things come to those who wait, right?

So what has this experience taught me? The only person you can rely on is yourself. Fuck the idea of relying or depending on people to help you achieve what you want. Go out there and fucking do it yourself.

I think I've stopped caring.

Well, in every aspect except the 'Must go to work and make money' aspect and the 'Never lose faith in you and Jim' one. Those are still going strong. The 'Must excel in classes, Failure is not an option' one is starting to fire itself up as well.

I've also came to the decision that I'm visiting Jim by myself in November. I have to start acting on things without anyone else. My going by myself will only make the possibility of Jess-and-Jim-time more easy to attain anyway.

I'm going to end this now. I've ran out of things to rant about. Everyone should check out my cast page though. It's super-nifty and has an adorable picture of Jim on it! :)

Oh, and one more thing! Remember when I made a little list of the classes I'd be taking this fall? Yeah, that computer class was already closed so I had to resort to.. Public Speaking! Oh, the horror! I absolutely hate public speaking. I'm no good at it at all. Hopefully you guys will all take pity on me, cross your fingers, and hope that I don't pass out in front of everyone or something. I'm serious. I forget to breathe when I'm in front of a crowd like that. I know, I know. "But, Jess, breathing is involuntary!" Yes, dear reader, yes it is. ..Until I stand up in front of people to read something. :( Hopefully it won't be that bad.

Oh, and I also bought Care Bears bedsheets for the dorm room! Simply adorable. ..And also very 10-year-old-ish. But I love them!

past - future