This is a summary of my day: Woke up, got yelled at by Mum while checking email and reading diaries, Took a shower, Puked, Got dressed, Left for and finally arrived at work, Felt gross all day, blah blah blah blah blah.....

Mum bought me a webcam. My grandparents got me $30. I got those dvds and cd from Jim, along with the still-not-here hoodie. Lucy mailed me a letter and a lovely card. And from Tia, I got a burnt copy of the Grease soundtrack and a gold membership here at diaryland. That's pretty much it so far. Chris gave me a dime at work today but that doesn't really count. :)

I feel bad, both physically and emotionally. I've had a tummyache all day and I'm really fucking lonely. I guess this is nothing you guys haven't heard from me before though, huh? I'm sorry. It's just.. Jim is the person I'd most like to spend my birthday with. If I could just spend it with him, no one else's presence would even really matter. I just want Jim here.

He hasn't even told me 'Happy Birthday' yet. Yes, I do realize it's 8 pm. I talked to him on AIM briefly today while still at work and he said he was waiting to sing it to me. He said he'd call and everything but he hasn't yet. And I've tried ringing him with no luck. I'm starting to think I might not hear from him again until tomorrow. That really hurts. How could he have been sure we'd even speak tonight?? What if he doesn't get the chance to call?

I practically begged Tia on the phone earlier for us to visit Salt Lake City in November or whenever. I really need to see him, ya know? It's beyond the point of just wanting. I hate feeling like this every day and being 1700 miles away from him. I need to be held. The company of anyone else doesn't even compare. Fuck everyone else. I need my Jim.

This is not the 'Yay! I'm 19!' entry I thought I'd be making. I'm sorry, guys. I guess I just don't see how I'm supposed to have a happy birthday though without the one and only person who could make me happy...

past - future