| matt |
2003-08-15 - 12:31 p.m.
I just got back from work about an hour ago. Right when I was clocking out, Matt (a guy that used to be my best friend in the entire world ever..I could tell him anything..he dropped out of school back in March and I haven't really saw him much since..maybe I've mentioned him in here before..I'm not sure) dropped by to see me. We've only saw each other once since my graduation night (which was May the 23rd) and that was just like a 5 minute conversation. We sat down at a table and he ate a chicken sandwich while we talked about how his life is going.
He was living with Patrick and Darrell (2 of his druggie friends) and when Patrick got back with his ex-girl, Matt couldn't afford to pay the bills for the rent and power and such. So he moved back in with his parents and quit his job (I never found out why though). He told me about various roadtrips he's been on since we last talked. And he also told me about all the pot he's smoked and all the alcohol he's drank and all the crank he's..uh..snorted?? Fuck, I don't know what you do with crank. Snorted seems like a good answer though? *Shrug* Anyway, he knows how much I hate drugs but yet he always thinks to fill me in on his most recent high or whatever. I hate the fact that he does drugs. I really wish he didn't. :( I told him he should stop by more often or maybe he could drop by my house every once and a while. His response: "I don't want you to see me high." :( It was weird this time though. He left without us hugging each other (And we always do) or either of us saying to the other "I'll see you later" or something of the sort. There was this sort of dreary feeling hanging over our entire conversation. I think that may be the last time I ever seem him. I think I pissed him off by telling him how much I didn't like him doing drugs. He probably regrets even going to Jack's today to see me. I hope I'm just being overly paranoid again. I've missed him so much. I'm already missing him again. I used to tell him EVERYTHING that went on in my life. And now we have awkward silences in our conversations. He knows so much about me and I can't even think of things to say to him when I haven't saw him in weeks and weeks. I ended up crying when I got home from work. I just sat down and thought about what all the both of us had been through and how much fun I used to have when I hung out with him. And how he was clean then.. *Sigh* I don't want to lose him. I want to still have him there for me when I graduate from college and when I get married and when I have kids. I want him to be there for all those things but I know he probably won't be. I wish he could be. I wish we could be friends always. |
