| fight |
2003-03-16 - 3:08 p.m.
So I had this urge to come to diaryland and write something that could possibly be worth reading. I get here, log in, and click on 'add entry' only to find that "this feature is currently shut off to everyone but gold and supergold users for the next little while." Blah! I'm greatly annoyed now. I realize that there are server problems and that shit like this needs to be done but it still pisses me off.
Really, I only had 2 things to say in this entry. Then when I found out I wouldn't be able to add my entry at that moment, what I had planned out in my head to say got a little bit longer. And another thing just popped into my head too. So this entry may be a little long anyway (or at least average length). Thing number 1: God is nothing but a fucking joke. (How many times do I have to say shit like this, people? Surely you were all expecting it.) Thing number 2: Everyone go here and register to become part of the game. See, it's a vampire thing and I'm the vampire zillah. And if you register under that web address, I get 10 pints of blood (your registering is the equivalent of my biting you in reality). So 10 pints of blood for every loving, generous person that registers. Yay me! :) Personally, I don't give a fuck if you ever visit the site again. Just go there and make up some stupid nickname and password and give me my 10 pints of blood, dammit! I mean.. Please? Well, there were my 2 things. Now onto what popped into my head a few minutes ago.. One of my guy friends and I got into a fight. I was upset that 2 other friends had been drinking and so I (for some stupid reason) went to.. well, let's just call him Dick (hAhA).. I went to Dick for comfort. Instead of him comforting me (I was fucking crying for hell's sake!), he did nothing but criticize me the entire time. He just kept telling me I was too emotional and too uptight and I should just relax. And he said he had put up with my shit long enough and that he thought he had been pretty tolerant of my moods. Well, this, of course, made me cry even harder. So I said I was sorry and I never should've went to him in the first place (and I really meant that..I think he thought I was just trying to make him feel bad). That happened about a week ago and we haven't really talked since. Well, except for me PMing him at the message boards we frequent. I asked him if he had always felt that way about me. He PMed me back and told me that 'he hadn't always felt that way' and that I 'always tried to make people feel sorry for me and that's why he disliked me.' This is the same person who used to tell me how much he liked me and how I was his one of his best friends. I think he's a fucking fake. I'm so pissed off at him at the moment. I want to yell at him and curse him and make him feel so sorry for being awful to me. At the same time, I just want to curl up into a tiny ball and cry myself to sleep. Such opposite emotions and reactions. Does that sound kind of stupid? It's confusing. I see him online all the time and I want to message him and tell him I'm sorry and I love him and want him to love me again. But I know that if I did, he'd just yell again and I'd cry more. I guess it's better to just wait for him to make the first move. It would probably be best that way. Even if I am dying inside (and I am). What if he never talks to me again? I don't think I could handle that. He means too much to me. Sometimes I wish I didn't care as much as I do. Maybe I am overly emotional and such.. Enough of this shit. I think I'll go read the rest of my Stephen King book now ('Dreamcatcher'..kik ass so far). More meaningless ramble later. :) |
