I don't really know what to talk about right now. I have no one to talk to though so I thought I'd make a new entry.

I miss Scott.

Grant reminded me alot of him tonight. We were talking on MSN.. Well, more like, HE was talking on MSN. He was ranting about Monday night and some bad shit that he had said and did. And what did I do while he was telling me his story? I cried. I cried because so much of what he was saying could be related back to shit that Scott had said to me before about himself. And parts of it I just wanted to relate back to Scott. Grant was saying things about himself that I wish Scott could realize about himself too.

I know that Scott can overcome what he's going through. And I know that Kalaroth will never really be dead inside him. But I'm not really sure Scott wants to be without Kalaroth. I'm beginning to realize that even though Kalaroth was all those things Scott told me he was, he was also Scott's protection. As long as Kalaroth was around, Scott didn't have to feel. He didn't have to worry about emotions. He could just hide behind Kalaroth and be cold.

He's running back to Kalaroth now. He using him as an excuse to escape his future and the way he truly feels. I wish he'd stop and realize what he's doing and that it's not the only way.

God I sound like I'm ranting about a friend that's on drugs or something.. Well, I guess if you stop and think about it, I suppose Kalaroth is just as destroying and damaging as any drug is. If only they made Kalaroth patches.. Heh..

Now playing: Alice In Chains - "Man In the Box"

I don't know what else to ramble on and on about. I think I'm just going to say goodnite and go try to sleep. I seriously doubt I'll be able to though.

"Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." - Alfred, Lord Tennyson

past - future