Just for the record, I should really be getting to sleep soon. This fucking weekend didn't last long enough.

Friday night, Haleyville was playing Hamilton (ah, high school football games..such memories) & since I was already at work in Hamilton & everything, I decided I'd just hop over & check out the action. For some reason, I decided to invite CB with me. CB & I have known each other for about 8 years and his sister & I were really good friends in high school so I figured he'd enjoy the game too. Haleyville ended up severely disappointing me & lost 28 to 6. Fucking retards. There were so many disappointing seconds of the game & I almost wished I'd sat over on the Hamilton side instead. Especially when I saw one of Hamilton's guys grab the ball & sprint down over half the field to make a touchdown, an entire 5 or 8 yards in front of any of Haleyville's guys the whole time. Sigh.

Anyway, it ended up being a pretty cool experience anyway because I got to see a lot of old friends. I told CB that it was almost like a family reunion of sorts. Me, him, Peter (one of the coolest guys I've ever known..that I hardly ever get to see anymore), Tasha (CB's previously mentioned sis), Janel (mine & Tasha's best friend in HS), Debbie, Charles.. It was fucking bad ass. It was nice hanging out with all of 'em again. I don't figure we'll all be together like that again for a long while. Hell, we might not ever be all together again. And it kinda makes me sad to think about it like that.

**Side note: Tia, I know that you know everyone I'm about to mention in the rest of this entry. I'm asking that you please, PLEASE, don't say anything to anyone about it. And especially don't mention to Penn that I'm discussing her in my diary, ok? She doesn't know it exists. As far as I know at least. Thanks.

Afterwards, I planned on going back to Silas' place in Hamilton to get fucking trashed with him & assorted others. Well, CB ended up coming along with me, right? And guess who showed up not too long after that? Penn (aka Jennifer). This chick I've crushed (god, I hate that word) on for months. Yeahhh.. Soon after, the entire thing was no longer fun for me. CB was all over Penn (who knows that I like her) & after a couple of hours after them laying all over each other & shit, they headed back to the spare bedroom to fuck. Sigh. I went outside & called Mark, more or less bitching about how she's fucking with my head & nothing ever seems to go my way, blahdeblah, pity party bullshit. Not one of my finest moments, I'll admit.

That was sometime between 4:30 & 5 am, right? As soon as I hung up the phone with him, I started feeling nauseous. Considering that, by that time, I hadn't drank anything in like 4 hours, I figure it had to have been from the topic discussed on the phone. I walked back inside & sat down on the couch next to Silas, saying something about how I might just go home pretty soon. I went to the bathroom & puked and walking back into the living room, heard Penn & CB having sex in the bedroom. Fun. BAH. Eh, I laid down for like 10 minutes after that, trying to go to sleep (by now it's 5:30-ish) but can't. So I just leave a note for Silas, explaining that I'm going home & that if CB is still there when he wakes up in the morning, to tell him he can probably walk up the hill & get a ride from Melissa. Yeah, fuck him.

I'm kinda angry at CB over all this but I know I shouldn't be. CB doesn't even know I like the chick & if he did, he probably wouldn't have fucked her. I'm kinda pissed at Penn though. She fucking sends me pictures of her boobs, jokes around about sex all the time with me, and then she's going to just head into another room & fuck a mutual friend of our's. WTF. I mean, I know that it's slightly my fault & everything because I constantly flirt with her but FUCK... If I knew that someone liked me but I didn't like them back, I wouldn't hook up with one of their friends in front of 'em. And I most especially wouldn't send them fucking pictures of my boobs & shit.

Maybe the picture was just an attention thing. Fuck if I know. This whole thing just kinda hurts me though. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Man, when I called her up that night & told her I liked her, she's like 'I've wondered about it before but never enough to experiment. If I decide to though, you'll be the first to know'. What the fuck is that?

Talking about this makes me even more pissy now. I text messaged her yesterday when I was at Wal-mart with Mum & told her I feel like she's fucking with my head, blahdeblah, and she had to ask why. I told her nevermind because I was not going to type the long rant out in a text message & I sure as hell wasn't going to call her when I was with my mum. I guess she'll probably confront me about it at work tomorrow. Or just act like everything's wonderful. Which it might should be. Am I overreacting? Sigh.

I hate women. Men aren't looking too promising right now either. I think I'm gonna stick with the singleness & strive to be the oldest virgin ever. Probably the loneliest person ever too.

past - future